Day 8

For week 2, my goal is to do zazen while being aware of myself and the space I'm meditating in. It's also to try and become more aware in my everyday life. So I think in order to reach this goal by the end of the week, I decided that I would meditate for more than 30 minutes.

Ater coming back from a Mother's Day brunch, I started meditating. For the first 20-25 minutes I was doing everything correct. Proper posture, slow and deep breathing, staying completely still, etc. I was also trying to allow myself to succumb to my senses, instead of blocking them out. This was so that I could allow myself to become aware of what was going on around me, instead of being completely absorbed by my breathing. At around the 25+ minute mark, I began to really feel numbness in my legs, but instead of ignoring it, I tried to be aware of it. I really don't know how else to describe it. All of a sudden, I felt pain in the muscles that weren't numb, and I tried to not think about it. However, every time I tried to let go of the thought that my legs were sore, the pain would just make me think about it again. I was so concerned about the pain that I wasn't being aware of what was going on around me. I had just realized this when the meditation of was over and the pain subsided from my legs. Even though I was aware of myself, and the pain that my legs were going through, I wasn't aware of my surroundings. But I think what's even more important to note is that I was allowing myself to get attached to the pain. I wasn't aware of anything else besides the pain in my legs. In order for yourself to have sense of true awareness, you can't allow yourself to fixate on anything. You have to realize that something is there, then just move on. If I'm able to take in and process my surroundings within a matter of seconds, by the end of the week, I'll feel like I accomplished my goal.