Day 11

Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep a couple of times, so today I tried to make up for that inadmissible misstep. Now I don't know whether it was because of the mindset I had going into meditation today, or if it was just because I'm getting better at it, but I found it a lot easier to multitask between concentrating on my breathing, and being aware of myself and my surroundings. I didn't go through a spiritual transformation or anything, my mind just felt a lot less excited. Before, I found that if I thought of something besides my breathing, then my mind would get all excited and ADD. I try to refocus to the meditation, but in the background my mind is just going through all of this garbage. Because of this, I usually have to just not think about anything else besides the breathing. But today, I noticed that if I thought of something, I could just let it go, and forget about it. This means that if I hear a distant car, I just hear a distant car and move on. Normally when we view things, we see something, then fixate on it. True awareness is being able to get past that fixation, letting it go and noticing things that usually aren't noticed. So being able to somewhat stop my mind from wandering and controlling it allowed me to be much more aware. I wasn't thinking about being aware, I just concentrated on my breathing, and noticed that my senses would pick up details about the space I was meditating in, and I could let these details just be details instead of distracting thoughts. Instead of analyzing and judging things, I was able, at least for today, just view them as what they were. Hopefully this means I'm one step closer to obtaining true awareness.